Where do gifted adults fall on the Emotional Intelligence scale?Posted by Sonia Dabboussi | 7 comments
Giftedness is most often defined with reference to an IQ score of 130+. But not everyone who is intellectually gifted is successful in life. Why? Some say it has to do with our EQ, or Emotional Intelligence…
It’s great to be smart, to be able to think your way out of complex situations. Sometimes thinking doesn’t quite get you far enough though. When emotional factors come into play, more that just high intelligence is necessary. And this is sometimes where gifted adults fail.
Although a gifted person’s IQ may be through the roof, there is much less attention given to their emotional development, at least as expressed in many formal definitions of giftedness. In other words, someone can have a reasonably high IQ and a reasonably low EQ and still be gifted.
Emotional Intelligence, “a form of intelligence relating to the emotional side of life, such as the ability to recognize and manage one’s own and others’ emotions, to motivate oneself and restrain impulses, and to handle interpersonal relationships effectively,” can vary widely among the gifted. Variations in EQ can make a difference in how easily and effectively we interact with others and therefore may also influence our external success.
Steve Hein of the EQ Institute wrote “The Ten Habits of Emotionally Intelligent People” (1999). Reading these habits may give us a quick glimpse into where we stand in terms of emotional intelligence.
High EQ people:
|1. Label their feelings, rather than labeling people or situations.||“I feel impatient.” vs “This is ridiculous.””I feel hurt and bitter”. vs. “You are an insensitive jerk.”
“I feel afraid.” vs. “You are driving like a idiot.”
|2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings.||Thoughts: I feel like…& I feel as if…. & I feel thatFeelings: I feel: (feeling word)|
|3. Take responsibility for their feelings.||“I feel jealous.” vs. “You are making me jealous.”|
|4. Use their feelings to help them make decisions.||“How will I feel if I do this?” “How will I feel if I don’t”|
|5. Show respect for other people’s feelings.||They ask “How will you feel if I do this?” “How will you feel if I don’t.”|
|6. Feel energized, not angry.||They use what others call “anger” to help them feel energized to take productive action.|
|7. Validate other people’s feelings.||They show empathy, understanding, and acceptance of other people’s feelings.|
|8. Practice getting a positive value from their negative emotions.||They ask themselves: “How do I feel?” and “What would help me feel better?”They ask others “How do you feel?” and “What would help you feel better?”|
|9. Don’t advise, command, control, criticize, judge or lecture to others.||They realize it doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of such behavior, so they avoid it.|
|10. Avoid people who invalidate them, or don’t respect their feelings.||As much as possible, they choose to associate only with other people with high EQ.|